Pimp Daddy Matt
Even Better Joke E-mails
What Men Really Mean *****: Find out what men say...and what goes on in their heads.
A very offensive list...: Definitely worth reading if you love women jokes. Otherwise, do NOT go in here!
The Ebonics SAT: Once again, I push the barriers of comedy. As your intrepid pioneer of the Internet, sincerely warn you about this page.
Rude and Sick Jokes: A Cornucopia of the Distasteful: I'm all for freedom of speech, but this shit is disgusting. MAD disgusting. So disgusting, it really SHOULD be illegal.
We've all gotten these crazy emails...
I'm just different because I actually read and keep them.
So, here are a few of my favorite e-mails.
I'll be updating them regularly, so check back often...
No, I really mean it, yo! Check back often!
This page was last edited: 3-28-98
Best Western Songs
Read all of these...They get better as you go down the list...
"Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?"
"Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life"
"Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed"
"Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye"
"Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart"
"Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind"
"Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure"
"Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares"
"How Can A Whiskey That's 6 Years Old Whup A Man That's 33?"
"How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've
Been A Liar All My Life?"
"I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral"
"I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?"
"I Don't Know What Came Over Me (When I Came All Over You)"
"I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling"
"I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2"
"I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine"
"I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car
Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal"
"I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of Yew"
"I Meant Every Word That He Said"
"I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better"
"I Wanna Whip Your Cow"
"I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out Of Town"
"I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win"
"I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy"
"I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite"
"I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life"
"I'm Not Married But The Wife Is"
"I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here"
"I've Got Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat"
"If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now"
"If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?"
"If It's Got To Be Later, How 'Bout Later Tonight?"
"If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low"
"If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You"
"If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love"
"If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me"
"If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure"
"If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?"
"It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad"
"It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' To Me"
"Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)"
"My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus"
"My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was
Breaking My Heart"
"My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him"
"Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down"
But Baby I Can See Through You"
"She Feels Like A New Man Tonight"
"She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without"
"Swing Wide Your Gate Of Love"
"Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' To You"
"Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone"
"There Ain't No Waste In My Baby's Love Canal"
"When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In"
"You Can't Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play"
"You're Ruining My Bad Reputation"
"You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly"
President, Mu Alpha Theta Theta Fraternity (MATT)
Founded 1996 by the Mack Daddy of UF
You've tried the rest, now hook up with the best!
Our motto: "No Dating, Just Mating!"
(It's a joke; don't take this seriously.)